The quintessential employee: Peggy

Have you ever noticed that there is one type of employee that will always exist in an organization, as if it were required by law? This person is nauseatingly peppy, has cutesy pictures of her grand-kids/kids/pets all around her desk, and is dumb as rocks. We'll call her "Peggy."

"How do I figure this ou...Oh! here's the dial button!"

Now, Peggy will tell you about her years of experience with computers, but since she is Peggy, these "years of experience" are her grand-son/son removing all her tool bars from Internet Explorer and recently teaching her the magic of Facebook, so she can stalk all her kids on a 24/7/365 basis. Peggy used to have Microsoft Office 97 on her computer, but one of her friends (a "Peggy" from another job) told her it was spyware, so she deleted it (just the icons, by the way, not actually removing the program).

Hope to god Peggy never asks you to fix her home computer...

Now, when Peggy isn't generally fucking her computer up, she is being generally incompetent. Here's a bit of tidbits about Peggy:

-Peggy never uses an external hard drive, thumb drive, or any sort of backup method to keep a copy of her files. Peggy uses Desktop, because that's where she "can see them"
-Peggy has approximately 6 tools bars, none of which she uses, but all of which she'll notice if you remove
-Nothing Peggy does on the computer that causes it crash/delete something/lose a file is Peggy's fault, because the computer is stupid
-Peggy does not care what you are currently doing, because everything she does is much more important. There is only one time, and that is Peggy-Time (which is now)
-Saying anything technical to Peggy above the 4th grade level, such as telling her what a monitor does, is immediately followed by "Whoa whoa, you lost me!"
-You will never understand what Peggy does, on a daily basis, that warrants her receiving money for being there
-Peggy will say her problem on the computer out loud, in a way louder than normal voice, in an effort to get people to come over and help her fix it
-Peggy will always jam the printer and leave, without telling anyone
-When something is broken, Peggy will inform you it hasn't worked for 2 months (or ever), but never got around to telling you it was broken to begin with
-Peggy's home computer is always Vista/Millennium (ME) Edition
-Peggy will always call a computer tower a "Hard Drive"
-If you uninstall Weatherbug, Peggy knows

Is there a "I uninstall myself" function?

The problem with Peggy is that you can't truly hate her. Sure, maybe in real life she's a good person, and maybe smart with something in regards to that. Peggy most likely volunteers at some charities, so you calling her an asshole makes you look like one. The best you can do is hide away, hoping the computer gods guide her through some miracle path of not being a dumb-ass. 

Peggy can be a man too, there are many male "Peggy's" in the world. These are the ones that typically browse porn sites at work, look shit up on eBay non stop, and always come to your cube talking about sports (like some twisted version of rain man). Sure, they can rattle off some ridiculously hard to remember stats of the last 10 years of their favorite player, but god forbid they remember how to attach a document to their email.

If you're in IT, there is no escaping Peggy. So, learn to deal with him/her, or choose a different profession. May I suggest becoming a Peggy?